Wednesday, January 16, 2008

Dazed & confused. What next?

I've spent a lot of time thinking about whether or not to post this but have come to the conclusion that its inevitably going to come out at some point, so I might as well get it over with now. I got absolutely terrible news on Monday. I lost my job at the design firm. Yup. Just like that. Its over. After putting in 2 years there and having JUST finished/mailed my course on Friday, by Monday, it all came to a crashing halt. I'm still in total shock and feel very confused as to how this could have happened, but having 2 days under my belt now to think about it, I'm slowly realizing that this really isn't a terrible nightmare, its actually my reality. Its kind of a long story and I won't go into all the details as its still pretty hard to even have to admit but to sum it up, she found someone more qualified and figured that the company needed to move in that direction. I'm trusting that God has something far greater in store for me, though its pretty hard to see what that could possibly be right now. This is what I have always wanted to do. My whole life. Since I was a little kid, I always knew I wanted to be in design. So to have worked SO hard to finish my correspondence and after thinking I would just stay with the firm until Jon and I decided to have kids, I feel totally blind-sided and utterly confused that this has happened so suddenly and without any real warning. So... with that, I would truly appreciate your prayers. I have some big decisions to make that I had hoped I would never have to make and its a little daunting to say the very least.

I do know God is in control of this. Even though I'm totally devastated, I have felt His peace in the fact that He knew this would happen, even before he "knit me together in my mother's womb." (Psalm 139:13) This isn't too big for Him to handle and I am trusting Him with my future. I also know that it was no coincidence that I opened my Bible to these words, when I got home on Monday after hearing the awful news. And amidst my tears and confusion, He touched my heart with peace through these words,

"My child, listen to me and treasure my instructions. Tune your ears to wisdom, and concentrate on understanding. Cry out for insight and understanding. Search for them as you would for lost money or hidden treasure. Then you will understand what it means to fear the Lord, and you will gain knowledge of God. For the Lord grants wisdom! From his mouth come knowledge and understanding. He grants a treasure of good sense to the godly. He is their shield, protecting those who walk with integrity. He guards the paths of justice and protects those who are faithful to him." - Proverbs 2:1-8 -

Guess this New Year is going to be even more interesting than I had originally thought.

11 comments:

Sally said...

I'm sorry to hear this news Bonnie. I'm sure it wasn't personal. I'm sure it was just business. But everytime I hear that I think of Meg Ryan telling Joe Fox in You've Got Mail, that it's personal to her.

I hope once the shock has worn off that you can reflect on what you have gained in experience over the last two years. You never know, maybe you can venture out on your own someday! If you were born to design... design you shall.

Hang in there kiddo. There are better days ahead. And in addition to all that... I think where God has your heart in all of this is great.

Kendall & Sabrina said...

Hey Bonnie...

Well that surely sucks. I admire your willingness to trust God in the midst of uncertainty, and all the confusion and hurt this may have caused.

Praying for patience in waiting, ears to hear what God has next for you, and the freedom to feel fully disappointed with the loss at this time.

S.

Steph Gartner said...

So, one of the first things Clay told me when I got home was to check your blog (and then of course he proceeded to tell me what you had written before I could read it...my guess was that you were pregnant, so he had to set me straight!). We will definitely be thinking of you and praying for you as you are left in job limbo/uncertainty. You are easily one of the most gifted people I know, so I know that God has huge things in store for you! Maybe you just needed a chance to look for something bigger. You're awesome, and any firm would be crazy to not want you...make sure to keep us updated!!

Jen said...

Hey Bonnie - praying for you tonight - that God would give you a continual sense of peace as you wait upon Him to see what the future holds. Blessings friend.

Jen Schmidt

Tim and Kelsie-Lynn said...

Oh Bonnie, I am so sorry, that is just awful. I will totally be praying for you. I admire how you are trusting God with this. He will be faithful just as you are being faithful to trust Him! And seriously I agree with Steph any firm would be crazy not to hire you, you have talent and are an amazingly gifted woman. Take care and keep us update!

Denita Dyck said...

praying for you bonnie. going through the same thing with my coaching job. worlds turned upside down isn't very cool. would be glad to hear/reciprocrate on any venting.

Trev & Rebekah said...

Wow, that does suck. I am sorry you are in that place right now but trusting Jesus is also a good place to be in. I hope that He leads and guides you as you seek direction.

Leanne said...

Bonnie, oh no...I'm so so so sorry to hear this. Being blind sided feels just awful, I feel sick for you.
Are you free the 24th in the evening?

Janelle said...

oh sweetie. i really wish i could give you a very big hug right now. but you know what my dear? i'm not worried about you at all. you are such a strong, confident woman who has talent that just blows everyone away. there is more out there for you - i just know it. the next few weeks - and maybe months will be tough - but through all the confusion, you'll start seeing where God is leading and you'll be surprised to hear yourself saying... "oh! THAT's why this happened...so that i could do THIS!". He won't leave you or forsake you...and He will not PUNISH you for your commitment to your schooling and for your commitment and hard work with this company.
i BELIEVE in YOU...and i BELIEVE in His FAITHFULNESS.
i love you, i'm soooo proud of you, and i'm EXCITED to see where He's going to lead you & your hubby through this tough experience.

Jen said...

Hugs, prayers and a little somethin' in the mail. I love you tons my dear, but you know that already. Thinking of you...

Cyndy said...

Bonnie,
Check your Facebook - I sent you a long message there...
Love, Cyn