I took her to the health unit this morning and as she smiled and cooed at me while I had her registered & weighed, I felt like such an awful parent. I'm sure all of you mom's out there know exactly what I'm talking about. These poor, innocent little munchkins have no idea that they are about to be pricked & poked within an inch of their lives. And all the while, we, their parents, have to hold them pinned in our laps as they scream bloody murder. I had an exceptionally hard time not crying even harder than Callie. She was a real trooper though. The tears flowed and her screams were definitely heard, but it didn't take long to settle her down and before I knew it, she was smiling and talking to me again, almost as if nothing had ever happened. Phhhew... glad that's over. At least for another 2 months.
They didn't measure her length today but she weighed in at 12 lbs. 2 oz. which puts her in the 80th percentile for her age group. Yes, she is indeed "filling out" to say the least :) We see our doctor next week for the full 2 month check-up so I'll fill you in on all of her stats after that.
As for me, things are improving in some areas, and regressing in others. My tear has finally healed up so that is a HUGE relief. But as for breastfeeding, it continues to be an ongoing battle. I'm so frustrated with it because one week, things will be going great and I think we've finally turned a corner. And then the next week, something else goes wrong. I've had a number of nurses & lactation specialists tell me that Callie is latching well and I'm doing everything correctly, but the fact that I am as damaged as I am, tells me she's not. I'm dealing with really deep cracks & blisters right now and wonder if breastfeeding will ever not hurt. Plus, I have developed an extremely large blocked duct on one side, that isn't going away (and trust me, I've tried everything to get rid of it. Hot compress, cold compress, hot showers, massage, cabbage leaves, pumping, nursing on that side, and even a vitamin supplement called Lecithin. But to no avail), so they're sending me for an ultrasound later this week to ensure nothing else is wrong. And its hard because I feel like I'm all alone in this. Is it just me, or does no one else struggle like this with breastfeeding? Maybe its just that people don't like to share their nursing troubles, and that is fine, but my goodness is this proverbial tunnel feeling LONG, and the light seems awfully dim... if not, non-existent. 
Anyway... I don't want to rant too much because on a positive note, Callie is officially sleeping through the night and has been for the last week and a half already. I never thought I'd be one to be blessed with a sleeping baby, but thank the Lord, I have. She seems to love the fact that we've got her into a solid routine. Every evening, we bath her at around 8:45pm, then I feed her at 9:00 and she's usually asleep by 9:30. Then she wakes at around 6:30am (today it was 7:30!!), happy as can be. I don't wake to her crying anymore, but rather, her kicking and talking in her crib. Its absolutely delightful! As soon as I lean over her crib, its all smiles. And every morning, I feel deeply blessed to be her Mommy.
They didn't measure her length today but she weighed in at 12 lbs. 2 oz. which puts her in the 80th percentile for her age group. Yes, she is indeed "filling out" to say the least :) We see our doctor next week for the full 2 month check-up so I'll fill you in on all of her stats after that.
As for me, things are improving in some areas, and regressing in others. My tear has finally healed up so that is a HUGE relief. But as for breastfeeding, it continues to be an ongoing battle. I'm so frustrated with it because one week, things will be going great and I think we've finally turned a corner. And then the next week, something else goes wrong. I've had a number of nurses & lactation specialists tell me that Callie is latching well and I'm doing everything correctly, but the fact that I am as damaged as I am, tells me she's not. I'm dealing with really deep cracks & blisters right now and wonder if breastfeeding will ever not hurt. Plus, I have developed an extremely large blocked duct on one side, that isn't going away (and trust me, I've tried everything to get rid of it. Hot compress, cold compress, hot showers, massage, cabbage leaves, pumping, nursing on that side, and even a vitamin supplement called Lecithin. But to no avail), so they're sending me for an ultrasound later this week to ensure nothing else is wrong. And its hard because I feel like I'm all alone in this. Is it just me, or does no one else struggle like this with breastfeeding? Maybe its just that people don't like to share their nursing troubles, and that is fine, but my goodness is this proverbial tunnel feeling LONG, and the light seems awfully dim... if not, non-existent. 
Anyway... I don't want to rant too much because on a positive note, Callie is officially sleeping through the night and has been for the last week and a half already. I never thought I'd be one to be blessed with a sleeping baby, but thank the Lord, I have. She seems to love the fact that we've got her into a solid routine. Every evening, we bath her at around 8:45pm, then I feed her at 9:00 and she's usually asleep by 9:30. Then she wakes at around 6:30am (today it was 7:30!!), happy as can be. I don't wake to her crying anymore, but rather, her kicking and talking in her crib. Its absolutely delightful! As soon as I lean over her crib, its all smiles. And every morning, I feel deeply blessed to be her Mommy.
14 comments:
Don't worry Bonnie, you aren't the only one having troubles with breastfeeding. Its an constant battle for me too.
Hope everything smooths out for you soon. We should try to get together soon for coffee or lunch. Let me know, can't wait to meet Callie
She gets cuter every day! I bet you just sit and stare at her.
I absolutely LOVE the second picture. Such beautiful, big eyes. So we were busy in the basement last weekend, trying to sort through everything and get it cleaned up in anticipation of a maybe trip and a maybe working weekend with brother Jon! Let us know when you know for sure one way or the other!
Love you.
She's beautiful and you ARE being blessed with good sleeps. There is always some sunshine eh? I'm sad for your breastfeeding journey. Honestly, I don't know that tonnes of people see it through like you have! The only other person I know who's really battled is Meredith. Your a trooper!
Bonnie! Callie is absolutely beautiful!!
I can tell you, you are NOT alone in your breastfeeding battle! It is a HARD thing to do! I had blisters and cracks with BOTH kiddos. Jameson was spitting up blood the first two weeks - my blood, not his! It WILL get better! One of the MOST frustrating things for me is when people (especially nurses and lactation consultants) say, 'if they are latched on correctly it won't hurt'. Pardon my crudeness here, but come on...no one has been sucking on your nipples for 25ish years and all of a sudden someone is doing that through out the entire day!? How is that supposed to be comfortable?!
I know you are doing everything...but keep doing it. I found for me...when I get clogged ducts (and I still do), I will try and work it out in the shower. I push down from the top and massage it while in the shower. Again, without being to graphic, especially on your blog, you may be able to see the clogged pore in your nipple. If you can...you can get it out. If that happens, the floodgates will open and you can clear that sucker!! Hang in there...It is not an easy road, but you are doing the best thing for Callie!
All of that talk aside...MAJOR props on having a great sleeper! That is a major blessing! It makes such a difference when you are able to get some sleep! ENJOY IT! You are doing a fabulous job as a mom! I hope to meet your little one some day!
I'm sure you're not alone in this Bon, and I wish I could tell you I understand...but I don't. Although I will tell you that I see enough breast-feeding on the plane, and it looks to me like some of those moms have some trouble. Note: Please bring a blanket when breast feeding on the plane. It's always awkward when I'm asking a lady who's just out there, if she wants "Bits and Bites?" and it comes out "Tits and Bites?"
Sorry I can't help...however I hope I will be able to see you in the next month or so, and just be there to listen. Miss you guys so much.
Carly
i'm only a lurker (found you through leah heide and followed your pregnancy journey)...
i had LOTS of trouble breastfeeding with my two daughters and there were two things that helped me A LOT: nipple shield and wool fat (lanoline)
i know that many nurses and/or midwifes are not the biggest fans of the nipple shields, but i used it to HEAL....and it soooo helped; plus it's been a huge relief to breastfeed and actually enjoy it....
maybe that helps.
leslie
Hey Bonnie,
Just wanted to encourage you in your journey with Callie! Don't know if you remember me (Brianne's friend). My son Rupert was not about breast feeding. He would just look at me and scream! He wasn't eating properly and got dehydrated. We had to go to emerg which was when I started pumping. That was fine for a while, but then my nipples got ripped to shreds and I developed mastitis which only cleared up after three different kinds of antibiotics! Anyways I decided to formula feed after that and he is doing fantastic! If you want to keep persevering with breast feeding that is fantastic! But don't feel guilty if you decide to formula feed. You have to do what's best for your baby, you and your family... and no one else can tell you what that is. Formula feeding has been great for us, but it's not for everyone and that's ok. Best of luck!
Hi Bonnie,
Jen's SIL Sandra here (Jason's wife). I've been sneaking peeks at your blog for a while - seeing your adorable daughter. I just couldn't resist commenting here. You are not alone...breastfeeding is HARD (that if they're doing it right it doesn't hurt is a load of it - experience tells us that!). My sister-in-law experienced much pain with EVERY one of her four babies. It passed...eventually. It seems that the fairer your skin is, the worse it is. I, on the other hand, was not that determined. I chose to pump and feed. This doesn't work for a lot of people but if you can do it, it's a little known alternative. I pumped for six months with both my boys and froze and stored enough extra for another 4 to 6 months. They got breast milk, it just came from a bottle. It's not evil to give your baby a bottle if need, be, it's OK (I needed to hear that because no one ever says it). But - if you're determined, stick with it! I admire you for doing it this long with that much pain!
Sandra
Ah the plugged ducts! I had so many of those and it eventually dried me up so I had to quit after 5 and a half months but I try to tell myself that atleast I made it that far.
Sorry to hear that breastfeeding has been a drag Bonnie. That really sucks. Hopefully the ultrasound can give you some more insight. Have you checked out the La Leche League in your area? I know they often hold breastfeeding support groups, it might be nice to have other moms to rant with every now and then!!
Your Callie is just beautiful...wow, and what a treat to have her sleep straight through. We had it the opposite, good breastfeeding - bad sleeping (awake every night till 14 months!) Hope that the rest gives you the energy and patience you need to deal with whatever the day throws at you.
bonnie, i know quite a few people who struggled a lot with breastfeeding, myself being one of them. it seems like it can be pretty easy for some women but really hard for others, and that's normal. i breastfed carter until about 8 weeks at which point i was a mess and we decide for my sanity and the sanity of our little family that i should stop. wow. what a turning point. when i look back on it, that was when i actually started to enjoy being a mom. so what i ended up doing was i pumped until he was about 5.5 months old since i had been used to pumping already when he was first born (he was premature so i did a lot of pumping at first) and he got about half breastmilk half formula until then. after that it was just formula. the pumping was time consuming but, like others have said, it's a good option if you're struggling with the breastfeeding but not wanting to give up the benefits of breastmilk. however, formula is also good and honestly, like others have also said, you have to do what will work for you. that sounds kind of cliche, i know, but it's true. so ... i hope things will get easier and that you can continue really enjoying your daughter :) oh, and the sleeping all night - that is so awesome :)
You're NOT the only one to struggle with nursing. I'm too lazy to read the other comments, but I'm sure that's been stated already. Some women have it easy, some don't. It works different for everyone. I'm sorry you're struggling!
She is BEAUTIFUL though!!!
Hey Bonnie,
You've gotten a lot of advice from people who've been there and I don't have more to add but I would second the Le League and the Lanolin cream! I know others have said it but seriously, you are a major trooper for keeping it up! I'm not sure if I'd have the same resilience!
Also, little Callie is so cute! Those pictures are precious!! And it's so great that she's sleeping through the night! I'm so glad that's going well for you and that you've finally healed as well!
All the best.
Carolyn
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